Randomness and Recap

One: I'm having a shitty week, and it's only going to get shittier as the exams themselves roll around ... And I've just cursed, so I think I'm still a bit more het-up than I thought I was -_-; Did you know you can have rolling panic attacks? Like rolling blackouts, they shut down different parts of the coherant parts of your mind in succession. I rang home today to ask if the time was right. As in, I rang people on the other side of the country to check that my clock was right so I won't accidentally be late for the exam I'm having in two days time.

It occurs to me that the combination of a three-year breakdown plus diagnosis plus the first exams I've sat in those three years has made my panic threshhold ridiculously low. So ... right now I'm all flappy hands and yelling at myself in the street and hanging upside-down out the skylight because the sky calms me ... And, looking at that, it also occurs to me that I have strange responses to stress -_-; Gah! I'm not well, is my point. *shakes head at self, flaps hands*

Two: For some bizarre reason, in response to this, trying to calm myself down, I've been reading Transformers fanfiction. I honestly have no idea why. I haven't watched Transformers since I was ... um, I was in fifth class because it was my third primary school, so that would make me ... 11 years old. Ish. Anyway. I haven't see it in that long. And that was Armada, not G1, which I've never seen, and yet I'm reading G1 fic, and falling in love with Starscream all over again, and ... I don't get it. But I'm liking the fic. And it's distracting me from the flaily-panicky-ness, somewhat, sometimes, so ...

Um. Gah. Shitty week. Yes. And it's going to get worse until I actually manage to sit the first exam on Friday, and find out if I can deal with this at all. *slumps* I need my processor defragged, I think. The one in my head, not the one under my fingers. And, oh, I should absolutely shut up, now. Definitely. Sorry. Gah!