Random Grumbling

Okay. I was offline yesterday, most of today, I'll try catch up later? (Not now, I've got a few other things need doing, but later, yes?) *grins sheepishly* I'm only on now because I kinda want to record this for posterity.

I've just spent twenty minutes trying to persuade my dog to let me give him a two minute bath just to hose the mud off. Patch was not having this.

Okay. Firstly, we used to think Patch hated baths. Violently, to the point of showing teeth to avoid them. As it turns out, mostly he shows teeth to avoid being manhandled (we used to lift him up to get him in the tub), because he has a desperate fear of being picked up, I'm not sure why. So. Recently, I discovered that since he knows he's not leaving the bathroom until he's suffered through at least a quick hose down to get the mud off, if you actually just point at the tub and go 'Hup!', he actually will get with the programme and hop in himself. He will grumble about it, but he'll get in the bath.

So today, I figured we'd try this again, since the walk I usually take him on has mud galore and he always seems to end up shoulder-deep in it. So I point at the tub and go 'Hup!'. And he hups.

Onto the shelf beside the bath. And then looks at me, while I'm standing staring at him, finger still pointed into the tub, as if to say: "Oh, you meant in the bath? Seriously? You thought that was going to work? I'm not stupid, woman."

Then he moved to hop back down again, and I stepped in sharpish to block him, so that the only way he could get off the shelf was into the bath. And then I spent ten minutes alternately ordering and pleading with him to just get in the bath, it takes like two seconds, Patch, please, the other option is we go out the back and I actually hose you, get in the bath. While he shoved his head into my stomach and groaned and grumbled and whined and don't wanna. My sister, by this point, is sitting in the room next door listening to us remonstrate at each other with increasing volume, laughing at my misery.

And then, finally, Patch gave it up as a bad job, hopped into the bath, and condescended to stand still for the two minutes it took me to wash the mud off. And had the blind bloody nerve to look at me afterwards as if to say: "That's it? You made me go through all that, just for this?"

Yes, you bloody stupid animal. Turns out, this takes a maximum of two minutes, if you just get in the bloody bath! *throws up hands* Swear to gods, he's worse than a toddler.

On the bright side, I've now proven comprehensively that I can out-stubborn him any day of the week, no matter how long or how loudly he grumbles at me. In theory, that should prove useful, the next time I have to give him a goddamned bath.

And yes, I did just take a few minutes out of my day to rant about him. *smiles crookedly* It's the little things in life, you know?