icarus_chained (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
icarus_chained) wrote2011-09-29 06:38 pm
icarus_chained) wrote2011-09-29 06:38 pm
I don't get it
*rubs face* This makes no damn sense.
I made it through college. It took me five years when it should have taken three, but I did it. I fought my way through two years of the most debilitating and downright terrifying nervous breakdown I've ever experienced, came back, went to the doctor, got diagnosed with Asperger's, took a bad few months where the med started to kick in, got every help I could legitimately get my hands on, spent eight months working non-stop to catch up, to get through the essays and the exams and the work, worked all the way through the goddamn summer, made it, got the fucking 2:1, and fucking won. I goddamn DID IT, I knocked my head into something approaching shape, and fucking did the job.
So why, a month after I got to stop, a month after I actually WON, after I get to rest ... why do I spend half a week unable to sleep for fucking nightmares of failing exams I didn't even sit? I haven't studied maths in five years. That archaeology field report was three years ago, and I passed it. For the love of sanity, I do not need this shit now! I won. I do not need to exhaust myself trying to sleep through nightmares of things I already beat.
*growls in exhausted frustration* I hate my head. I really, really do. *slumps*
I made it through college. It took me five years when it should have taken three, but I did it. I fought my way through two years of the most debilitating and downright terrifying nervous breakdown I've ever experienced, came back, went to the doctor, got diagnosed with Asperger's, took a bad few months where the med started to kick in, got every help I could legitimately get my hands on, spent eight months working non-stop to catch up, to get through the essays and the exams and the work, worked all the way through the goddamn summer, made it, got the fucking 2:1, and fucking won. I goddamn DID IT, I knocked my head into something approaching shape, and fucking did the job.
So why, a month after I got to stop, a month after I actually WON, after I get to rest ... why do I spend half a week unable to sleep for fucking nightmares of failing exams I didn't even sit? I haven't studied maths in five years. That archaeology field report was three years ago, and I passed it. For the love of sanity, I do not need this shit now! I won. I do not need to exhaust myself trying to sleep through nightmares of things I already beat.
*growls in exhausted frustration* I hate my head. I really, really do. *slumps*