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I know, I know, I know, I really need not to start new stories when I've so many on the boil already. Trust me, I do know this. But ... *shrugs sheepishly* What can I say? They keep bloody popping into my brain. In my defense, this one should only be two or three chapters long -_-; Which I've absolutely never said before ...
Title: The Valley of the Shadow
Rating: PG-13
Fandoms: Supernatural, possibly mythologies later
Continuity: Set during/after 5x22!!
Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Gabriel, a little bit of God. So far.
Summary: Castiel did not remember the sensation of being killed, until it was repeated
Wordcount: 2101
Warnings/SPOILERS: During/Post 5x22. Not a happy fic, so far
Disclaimer: Not mine
Title: The Valley of the Shadow
Rating: PG-13
Fandoms: Supernatural, possibly mythologies later
Continuity: Set during/after 5x22!!
Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Gabriel, a little bit of God. So far.
Summary: Castiel did not remember the sensation of being killed, until it was repeated
Wordcount: 2101
Warnings/SPOILERS: During/Post 5x22. Not a happy fic, so far
Disclaimer: Not mine
The Valley of the Shadow
For a brief, endless moment, Castiel felt himself explode, felt Lucifer destroy him. It was ... a worryingly familiar sensation, though he hadn't realised it until it happened. He hadn't remembered what Raphael's earlier assault had felt like, until it was repeated. But the sensation of Grace and body being ripped from him, shredded around him, of his soul being torn loose and flung ... flung somewhere ... it was familiar. Agonising, and terrible, and very, very familiar.
The sensation of being caught ... not so much.
He didn't understand, at first. He forgave himself that. Being killed was a confusing experience. But he felt the arms come around him, felt a soul and wings, many wings, embrace him as he fell, and heard the voice in his ear mutter 'Oooph!' as whoever it was fell the last few feet with him, and landed beneath him. Landed where, he did not know either. He planned to get to that in a minute or two. After ... after he figured out what -and who- had just happened.
"Watch that first step," the voice, winded, grinned behind him. A ... familiar voice. "It's a killer, you know."
"Ga... Gabriel?" he whispered, lying cradled in the voice's arms. In his brother's arms. The being behind him huffed cheerfully, and squeezed him tight.
"The one and only, kiddo. Give me a sec ..." Gabriel wriggled around him, squirmed gently out from under him so that Castiel finally hit the ground beside him, and then Castiel could see him. Then he could see his brother's face, the face of his brother's soul, grinning down at him. Gabriel looked ... as his vessel had, really. As if his soul had inhabited that form for so long, it no longer remembered it's true shape. Or, perhaps, as if that form had become his true shape.
Castiel wondered, for a moment, what his soul looked like, now.
"Gabriel?" he asked again. Pointlessly, he knew. He wasn't feeling very well. "What ... are you doing here?"
His brother raised an eloquent eyebrow in response. "Well, gee, bro. What do you think? I'm dead, you're dead ... not exactly complicated, you know?" He paused, as if thinking of something. "Ah ... You do know you're dead, right? Didn't ... miss it, or anything?"
Castiel was fairly sure his expression showed what he thought of that question. "No," he growled, wriggling a little until he could sit up, deciding to ignore Gabriel's helping hand. "I did not miss it, Gabriel. This time, or the one before!"
"Hey, just asking!" Gabriel cut in, raising his hands placatingly and grinning a little. Though there was a flicker in his eyes ... "Just checking, little bro. Could have happened too fast, or someone got you from behind ... how would I know? Can't blame a guy for checking."
Castiel blinked, frowned. "I suppose?" He really didn't feel well, now that he thought about it. He blinked some more, shook his head very, very carefully. He felt ... dizzy. Definitely ... definitely not well ...
"Woah!" Gabriel reached across and tugged him forward as he swayed, tugged him so that he fell into Gabriel's arms and not onto the ground. "Hey, take it easy, kiddo!" He huffed, wrapping around Castiel and rocking him gently. Castiel, bewildered, only clung to him and waited for the ringing in his head to go away again. "Told you. Gotta watch that first step. Just take it easy for a minute, yeah? You're dead, you've got a little time ..."
"Gabriel?" he managed, and heard the absent 'hmmm?' in response. "Please ... shut up?"
Gabriel snorted at him, but managed to stay mercifully silent for a few minutes. Long enough for Castiel to get over the urge (strange, without a body to source from) to throw up. Idly, he wondered if he'd left any molars lying around this time, or if Lucifer had been more thorough than Raphael. Probably not, though. Raphael ... had a strong reputation for thoroughness ...
"Gabriel?" he asked, after a second. His brother made a questioning noise, pointedly refraining from speaking in answer, and Castiel found himself smiling slightly. He doubted either of them would appreciate his saying it, but the archangel reminded him a little of Dean. "Can I ... I would like to try sitting up, again?"
"Sure you're up for it?" his brother asked, part teasing and part concern. Castiel smiled again. Yes. Quite like Dean, sometimes. "Don't want you fainting on me again ..."
"I believe I can manage," he said quietly, letting the smile enter his voice. Gabriel made that huffing noise again, amusement and exasperation, and gently helped him back up. This time, Castiel made sure to settle himself before speaking. "Thank you, brother."
Gabriel's face moved, something Castiel didn't understand, and then he smiled. "All part of the service, little bro. Don't mention it. Just think of me as the welcome wagon."
Castiel opened his mouth, and then decided not to bother asking. Not that, anyway. Instead, he tried looking around. Carefully. "Where ... Where are we?"
Nowhere hospitable, anyway. Beyond the circle of Gabriel's wings, Castiel could see ... nothing. A vast bowl of ... nothing. The world around them was grey, nothing but dust and hollow skies, sunless, starless, lifeless. A void, empty and still, and only himself and Gabriel to stand out against the grey. Only himself and his brother, and in the distance ... statues? Mist? Pale and silent, unmoving. Desolate. Castiel felt himself frown. Felt himself almost shrink. He remembered this place, from somewhere. Remembered ... only vaguely. Enough ... to fear it.
"Where dead angels go, apparently," Gabriel said softly, watching him as he watched this new world. Or rather, this old world. When Castiel looked back at him, there was a wry, empty smile on his brother's face. "You probably don't recognise it. Been ... oh, aeons, since anyone was sent here, as far as I know. Not since before Dad decided to send the humans to Heaven or Hell, instead." His mouth moved, trying to grin, not quite succeeding. "Bit of a history lesson, huh?"
Castiel tilted his head, the frown burrowing deeper. "Gabriel," he rumbled warningly. Confusedly. "Gabriel, where are we? What is this?"
The archangel bit his lip, and shrugged. Faux-careless. Avoidant. While Castiel felt something heavy settle in his gut, Gabriel reached out with his Grace, or perhaps something else, and pulled a curtain of illusion around them. Walled away the emptiness behind a dream of somewhere else, a memory of earth, of some room in some town that Gabriel had once seen, had once lived in, and blocked out the silent plain that waited for them beyond. Castiel stared at him.
"Helps not to look at it," the archangel offered quietly, shrugging uneasily. "Helps not to think about it, too, but that one's a little harder. Though we could try?" That was a plea, and more than a plea. There was something truly desperate in his brother's eyes as he asked that, and Castiel frowned again.
"I don't ... understand." He shook his head, met Gabriel's eyes. Asked, silently. "Gabriel ..."
"The more you think about it, the more it takes," his brother answered, quietly, desperately. "The more you let yourself accept it, the ... the closer you come. So ... if we could avoid that, that'd be nice, little bro ..."
Castiel shook his head, bewildered. And perhaps a little angry, but he put that down to having been recently and brutally killed. That seemed to have that kind of effect on him. "Gabriel," he repeated, sternly, glaring at the archangel. "Brother. Where are we?" If there was a threat here, and judging by the lurking fear in Gabriel's face there was, then Castiel needed to know about it, right now, so he could work out how to face it.
If he could face it, of course.
Gabriel looked away, avoiding his eyes. His face ... had his face always been that pale? That ... thin? "You're safer if you don't know," he said quietly. "And I know, believe me, I know, it sucks when people tell you that, but this time, I promise you, it really is true. This place ... it affects you faster if you know what it is. If ... If you're waiting for ... Just trust me, okay? This is one of those times big brother really does know best ..."
He tried to give Castiel a queasy smile, tried to wave it lightly off, but his eyes had that desperate, desolate look they'd had in that warehouse as the water started to fall. And now that Castiel was looking at him, now that he was seeing him ... there was something ... faded, about him. Something frayed, and fragile. Pale, and fraying gently into mist, and Castiel abruptly remembered the distant things on the silent plain outside, the pale shadows in the distance, and he could feel his eyes widening in realisation, could feel his face shift in horror.
Gabriel bit his lip, and looked away.
"Gabriel ... what is happening to you?" Castiel asked, around the numb edges of shock and fear, and the bitter uprush of anger in the face of it. At the thought of it. They were already dead! They'd already suffered murder at the hands of a brother, what more would their father add on top of it ... "Where are we? What has been done to you?"
He reached out, caught hold of Gabriel's shoulder, felt the narrow bones beneath his hand. Felt the tiny flinch, and then the pressure as the archangel leaned yearningly, desperately into the touch. He took his brother in his hands, and saw Gabriel open his mouth in desolate hope to answer.
But no word passed the archangel's lips. No voice slipped free, because suddenly there was another Voice surrounding them, a Voice no archangel could compete with, and that Voice was calling Castiel's name. That Voice was calling him away.
Castiel looked up in shock, past the sundering of Gabriel's illusion, past the silent emptiness of the plains, and saw the Light above them, felt it around him, and ... remembered. Remembered his other death, as he had not until it was repeated, and his other resurrection, as he had not until ...
He spun, looking desperately back at the brother beneath his hands, opening his mouth to speak, to plead, to explain, but Gabriel was already looking at him, had looked down from the Presence of their Father in the distance and looked instead to Castiel. Looked at him with a small, wry smile, and desolate eyes.
"Watch that first step, little brother," the archangel whispered softly. "You'll make a fool of yourself up top if you don't."
"Come with me," Castiel whispered fiercely, seizing hold of the archangel as if he could pull him from this place as he had pulled Dean from Perdition, as if his will alone could carry his brother free of this place. "Come with me, Gabriel!"
The archangel smiled, the glitter of shattered glass. "I can't, little bro. Only Dad can take someone from here, and that's not my name He's calling ..."
Castiel shook his head furiously, feeling a snarl bubbling to his lips. "I do not care! If He can take me, He can pull you with me! Hold on to me, Gabriel! Don't let go!" He felt the Hand upon his back, felt the grip upon his soul, remembered it, remembered the power and mercy of it, and in fury, for the first time, he fought. He fought against it, doing everything in his power to hold on against it. To hold onto Gabriel.
Who smiled at him, genuinely this time, rich and deep and suddenly warm, suddenly laughing. Gabriel smiled at him, stunned gratitude in his face, and reached up with terrible gentleness to untangle Castiel's hands. To shake free his brother's grip upon his soul, and entrust him to the Power that waited above them. As Hands pulled him away, Castiel stared after him in stunned betrayal.
"No family tickets on this ride, kiddo," the archangel smiled wryly, waving a hand after his brother. "Though I appreciate the thought. I really do, Cas."
"Where are we?" Castiel cried, too far gone now to be free, to go back, but determined nonetheless. "Tell me where this is, and I will come back for you! I will come back, Gabriel!"
Expressions flickered across the archangel's pale face, bitterness, fury, regret. Desolation. And a sudden, shocking burst of love. "Don't make promises you can't keep, kiddo," Gabriel murmured softly, as he fell away on the plain below Castiel. Then he shrugged, and smiled, just a little. "But for the record?
"Sheol, Castiel. I'm in Sheol."
Contd: Valley of the Shadow, Part II
A/N: We're going with the oldest concept of Sheol, here. The proto-jewish one, before it was called Hades and became a bordering realm to Hell/Perdition. The place of emptiness beyond death, where even souls faded into dust and shadow. *smiles lopsidedly* Because I'm horrible like that, obviously. Heh.
For a brief, endless moment, Castiel felt himself explode, felt Lucifer destroy him. It was ... a worryingly familiar sensation, though he hadn't realised it until it happened. He hadn't remembered what Raphael's earlier assault had felt like, until it was repeated. But the sensation of Grace and body being ripped from him, shredded around him, of his soul being torn loose and flung ... flung somewhere ... it was familiar. Agonising, and terrible, and very, very familiar.
The sensation of being caught ... not so much.
He didn't understand, at first. He forgave himself that. Being killed was a confusing experience. But he felt the arms come around him, felt a soul and wings, many wings, embrace him as he fell, and heard the voice in his ear mutter 'Oooph!' as whoever it was fell the last few feet with him, and landed beneath him. Landed where, he did not know either. He planned to get to that in a minute or two. After ... after he figured out what -and who- had just happened.
"Watch that first step," the voice, winded, grinned behind him. A ... familiar voice. "It's a killer, you know."
"Ga... Gabriel?" he whispered, lying cradled in the voice's arms. In his brother's arms. The being behind him huffed cheerfully, and squeezed him tight.
"The one and only, kiddo. Give me a sec ..." Gabriel wriggled around him, squirmed gently out from under him so that Castiel finally hit the ground beside him, and then Castiel could see him. Then he could see his brother's face, the face of his brother's soul, grinning down at him. Gabriel looked ... as his vessel had, really. As if his soul had inhabited that form for so long, it no longer remembered it's true shape. Or, perhaps, as if that form had become his true shape.
Castiel wondered, for a moment, what his soul looked like, now.
"Gabriel?" he asked again. Pointlessly, he knew. He wasn't feeling very well. "What ... are you doing here?"
His brother raised an eloquent eyebrow in response. "Well, gee, bro. What do you think? I'm dead, you're dead ... not exactly complicated, you know?" He paused, as if thinking of something. "Ah ... You do know you're dead, right? Didn't ... miss it, or anything?"
Castiel was fairly sure his expression showed what he thought of that question. "No," he growled, wriggling a little until he could sit up, deciding to ignore Gabriel's helping hand. "I did not miss it, Gabriel. This time, or the one before!"
"Hey, just asking!" Gabriel cut in, raising his hands placatingly and grinning a little. Though there was a flicker in his eyes ... "Just checking, little bro. Could have happened too fast, or someone got you from behind ... how would I know? Can't blame a guy for checking."
Castiel blinked, frowned. "I suppose?" He really didn't feel well, now that he thought about it. He blinked some more, shook his head very, very carefully. He felt ... dizzy. Definitely ... definitely not well ...
"Woah!" Gabriel reached across and tugged him forward as he swayed, tugged him so that he fell into Gabriel's arms and not onto the ground. "Hey, take it easy, kiddo!" He huffed, wrapping around Castiel and rocking him gently. Castiel, bewildered, only clung to him and waited for the ringing in his head to go away again. "Told you. Gotta watch that first step. Just take it easy for a minute, yeah? You're dead, you've got a little time ..."
"Gabriel?" he managed, and heard the absent 'hmmm?' in response. "Please ... shut up?"
Gabriel snorted at him, but managed to stay mercifully silent for a few minutes. Long enough for Castiel to get over the urge (strange, without a body to source from) to throw up. Idly, he wondered if he'd left any molars lying around this time, or if Lucifer had been more thorough than Raphael. Probably not, though. Raphael ... had a strong reputation for thoroughness ...
"Gabriel?" he asked, after a second. His brother made a questioning noise, pointedly refraining from speaking in answer, and Castiel found himself smiling slightly. He doubted either of them would appreciate his saying it, but the archangel reminded him a little of Dean. "Can I ... I would like to try sitting up, again?"
"Sure you're up for it?" his brother asked, part teasing and part concern. Castiel smiled again. Yes. Quite like Dean, sometimes. "Don't want you fainting on me again ..."
"I believe I can manage," he said quietly, letting the smile enter his voice. Gabriel made that huffing noise again, amusement and exasperation, and gently helped him back up. This time, Castiel made sure to settle himself before speaking. "Thank you, brother."
Gabriel's face moved, something Castiel didn't understand, and then he smiled. "All part of the service, little bro. Don't mention it. Just think of me as the welcome wagon."
Castiel opened his mouth, and then decided not to bother asking. Not that, anyway. Instead, he tried looking around. Carefully. "Where ... Where are we?"
Nowhere hospitable, anyway. Beyond the circle of Gabriel's wings, Castiel could see ... nothing. A vast bowl of ... nothing. The world around them was grey, nothing but dust and hollow skies, sunless, starless, lifeless. A void, empty and still, and only himself and Gabriel to stand out against the grey. Only himself and his brother, and in the distance ... statues? Mist? Pale and silent, unmoving. Desolate. Castiel felt himself frown. Felt himself almost shrink. He remembered this place, from somewhere. Remembered ... only vaguely. Enough ... to fear it.
"Where dead angels go, apparently," Gabriel said softly, watching him as he watched this new world. Or rather, this old world. When Castiel looked back at him, there was a wry, empty smile on his brother's face. "You probably don't recognise it. Been ... oh, aeons, since anyone was sent here, as far as I know. Not since before Dad decided to send the humans to Heaven or Hell, instead." His mouth moved, trying to grin, not quite succeeding. "Bit of a history lesson, huh?"
Castiel tilted his head, the frown burrowing deeper. "Gabriel," he rumbled warningly. Confusedly. "Gabriel, where are we? What is this?"
The archangel bit his lip, and shrugged. Faux-careless. Avoidant. While Castiel felt something heavy settle in his gut, Gabriel reached out with his Grace, or perhaps something else, and pulled a curtain of illusion around them. Walled away the emptiness behind a dream of somewhere else, a memory of earth, of some room in some town that Gabriel had once seen, had once lived in, and blocked out the silent plain that waited for them beyond. Castiel stared at him.
"Helps not to look at it," the archangel offered quietly, shrugging uneasily. "Helps not to think about it, too, but that one's a little harder. Though we could try?" That was a plea, and more than a plea. There was something truly desperate in his brother's eyes as he asked that, and Castiel frowned again.
"I don't ... understand." He shook his head, met Gabriel's eyes. Asked, silently. "Gabriel ..."
"The more you think about it, the more it takes," his brother answered, quietly, desperately. "The more you let yourself accept it, the ... the closer you come. So ... if we could avoid that, that'd be nice, little bro ..."
Castiel shook his head, bewildered. And perhaps a little angry, but he put that down to having been recently and brutally killed. That seemed to have that kind of effect on him. "Gabriel," he repeated, sternly, glaring at the archangel. "Brother. Where are we?" If there was a threat here, and judging by the lurking fear in Gabriel's face there was, then Castiel needed to know about it, right now, so he could work out how to face it.
If he could face it, of course.
Gabriel looked away, avoiding his eyes. His face ... had his face always been that pale? That ... thin? "You're safer if you don't know," he said quietly. "And I know, believe me, I know, it sucks when people tell you that, but this time, I promise you, it really is true. This place ... it affects you faster if you know what it is. If ... If you're waiting for ... Just trust me, okay? This is one of those times big brother really does know best ..."
He tried to give Castiel a queasy smile, tried to wave it lightly off, but his eyes had that desperate, desolate look they'd had in that warehouse as the water started to fall. And now that Castiel was looking at him, now that he was seeing him ... there was something ... faded, about him. Something frayed, and fragile. Pale, and fraying gently into mist, and Castiel abruptly remembered the distant things on the silent plain outside, the pale shadows in the distance, and he could feel his eyes widening in realisation, could feel his face shift in horror.
Gabriel bit his lip, and looked away.
"Gabriel ... what is happening to you?" Castiel asked, around the numb edges of shock and fear, and the bitter uprush of anger in the face of it. At the thought of it. They were already dead! They'd already suffered murder at the hands of a brother, what more would their father add on top of it ... "Where are we? What has been done to you?"
He reached out, caught hold of Gabriel's shoulder, felt the narrow bones beneath his hand. Felt the tiny flinch, and then the pressure as the archangel leaned yearningly, desperately into the touch. He took his brother in his hands, and saw Gabriel open his mouth in desolate hope to answer.
But no word passed the archangel's lips. No voice slipped free, because suddenly there was another Voice surrounding them, a Voice no archangel could compete with, and that Voice was calling Castiel's name. That Voice was calling him away.
Castiel looked up in shock, past the sundering of Gabriel's illusion, past the silent emptiness of the plains, and saw the Light above them, felt it around him, and ... remembered. Remembered his other death, as he had not until it was repeated, and his other resurrection, as he had not until ...
He spun, looking desperately back at the brother beneath his hands, opening his mouth to speak, to plead, to explain, but Gabriel was already looking at him, had looked down from the Presence of their Father in the distance and looked instead to Castiel. Looked at him with a small, wry smile, and desolate eyes.
"Watch that first step, little brother," the archangel whispered softly. "You'll make a fool of yourself up top if you don't."
"Come with me," Castiel whispered fiercely, seizing hold of the archangel as if he could pull him from this place as he had pulled Dean from Perdition, as if his will alone could carry his brother free of this place. "Come with me, Gabriel!"
The archangel smiled, the glitter of shattered glass. "I can't, little bro. Only Dad can take someone from here, and that's not my name He's calling ..."
Castiel shook his head furiously, feeling a snarl bubbling to his lips. "I do not care! If He can take me, He can pull you with me! Hold on to me, Gabriel! Don't let go!" He felt the Hand upon his back, felt the grip upon his soul, remembered it, remembered the power and mercy of it, and in fury, for the first time, he fought. He fought against it, doing everything in his power to hold on against it. To hold onto Gabriel.
Who smiled at him, genuinely this time, rich and deep and suddenly warm, suddenly laughing. Gabriel smiled at him, stunned gratitude in his face, and reached up with terrible gentleness to untangle Castiel's hands. To shake free his brother's grip upon his soul, and entrust him to the Power that waited above them. As Hands pulled him away, Castiel stared after him in stunned betrayal.
"No family tickets on this ride, kiddo," the archangel smiled wryly, waving a hand after his brother. "Though I appreciate the thought. I really do, Cas."
"Where are we?" Castiel cried, too far gone now to be free, to go back, but determined nonetheless. "Tell me where this is, and I will come back for you! I will come back, Gabriel!"
Expressions flickered across the archangel's pale face, bitterness, fury, regret. Desolation. And a sudden, shocking burst of love. "Don't make promises you can't keep, kiddo," Gabriel murmured softly, as he fell away on the plain below Castiel. Then he shrugged, and smiled, just a little. "But for the record?
"Sheol, Castiel. I'm in Sheol."
Contd: Valley of the Shadow, Part II
A/N: We're going with the oldest concept of Sheol, here. The proto-jewish one, before it was called Hades and became a bordering realm to Hell/Perdition. The place of emptiness beyond death, where even souls faded into dust and shadow. *smiles lopsidedly* Because I'm horrible like that, obviously. Heh.
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