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My mind is frazzly at the minute, and sort of jump-jumpy. I'm getting a lot of things organised, and not a whole lot actually done. And I feel ... everything seems minute-to-minute-to-minute, like if I turn around and actually look at where the hell I am, everything will collapse. It's ... not bad, but frazzle-making, and makes it hard to think in straight lines or with any sense of depth. Like I'm a stone someone's skipping across a lake, and if I stop to think, I'll sink.
I don't understand ... I feel sort of bad ... People keep telling me that to get this far, to have repeated this year three times in an effort to finish it, shows a lot of ... of fortitude and determination, and things like that, and that sort of ... confuses me. From my point of view, the college has allowed me to keep trying, despite my obvious shortcomings (such as having a complete mental breakdown, spanning years, on top of them), so my keeping trying is ... they've given me a hell of a lot of opportunities, so it's sort of my responsibility to at least try to live up to them, you know? I have a responsibility to them, that I may or may not be able to live up to, but it's my duty to at least try ...
Gah! I'm all confused at the minute. And too jump-jumpy to think about it too hard. The next few months ... I have a year's worth of work to do in a few months, to catch up on all I've missed, and it feels like I've woken up from something the past two weeks, and now everything is a headlong rush to make up for what I missed.
I just bloody hope I can keep pace this time. Save the collapsing for after doing some actual work, for once. *sighs, scrubs face*
I don't understand ... I feel sort of bad ... People keep telling me that to get this far, to have repeated this year three times in an effort to finish it, shows a lot of ... of fortitude and determination, and things like that, and that sort of ... confuses me. From my point of view, the college has allowed me to keep trying, despite my obvious shortcomings (such as having a complete mental breakdown, spanning years, on top of them), so my keeping trying is ... they've given me a hell of a lot of opportunities, so it's sort of my responsibility to at least try to live up to them, you know? I have a responsibility to them, that I may or may not be able to live up to, but it's my duty to at least try ...
Gah! I'm all confused at the minute. And too jump-jumpy to think about it too hard. The next few months ... I have a year's worth of work to do in a few months, to catch up on all I've missed, and it feels like I've woken up from something the past two weeks, and now everything is a headlong rush to make up for what I missed.
I just bloody hope I can keep pace this time. Save the collapsing for after doing some actual work, for once. *sighs, scrubs face*
