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Okay. Bald question first:
What does forgiveness mean?
What does forgiveness mean?
Now. Some elaboration:
I've always taken forgiveness to mean that you no longer bear someone ill will for having done you a wrong (whether you ever bore them ill will in the first place is a shakier question, but anyway). As in, you are no longer angry at them, you do not wish them harm for what was done to you, and so on. You no longer bear them ill will for what happened. Yes?
But sometimes I see this, or hear this, where people say that, if you take precautions against them doing whatever they did the first time again, that you haven't actually forgiven them. You know, "You've never forgiven me for failing you, which is why you don't ask me to take that responsibility again." Or, "You've never forgiven me for hurting you, which is why you've never been alone with me since."
I ... don't really follow the logic, there. *confused* Sometimes, as far as I'm concerned, I have forgiven them. As in, I don't bear them any ill will, I'm not really angry with them, we continue life apace. I have forgiven them, as far as I understand the word.
I just haven't forgotten it, is all (unless it was really bad, in which case I seem to tend to utterly forget it, but that's a different thing). The thing they did gets noted into my image of them as a thing they are capable of doing given the right circumstances, and, since I don't want it to happen again, often I will do my best to see that the circumstances that caused it or allowed it the last time aren't replicated. *shrugs* Sometimes, since I'm not very good at reading what things trigger what reactions in people, what that entails is my avoiding them in similar situations, or sometimes avoiding them altogether. It's not that I dislike them, or am angry at them, or bear them ill will. It's that I don't understand what caused them to harm me, so I avoid them until I figure it out. Sometimes, I never manage to. And, sometimes, I do manage, but the answer is one that makes it unlikely for me to feel safe around them anyway, so I still avoid them.
But. That doesn't mean I haven't forgiven them. Erm. At least, I don't think it does? Does forgiveness mean that you don't ... Um. Is forgiveness supposed to mean that both parties continue as if the wrong had never happened at all? Or does it mean what I thought it did, which is that the injured party acknowledges the wound, but bears no grudge because of it? Or does it mean something else altogether?
*rubs face* I don't like the pain it seems to cause people to believe they aren't forgiven, if, as far as I'm concerned, they have been (it might be another matter if they genuinely haven't, but I don't tend to hold a lot of grudges). But I don't want to tell someone they're forgiven if, by their definition, they haven't been, because then they might expect something I'm not sure I can give. *shakes head, grumbles* I hate the fuzzy concepts.
So. Um. Again, the bald question: What does forgiveness mean? Preferably in small words, because when it comes to this kind of thing, I'm not exactly quick ... *smiles sheepishly*
I've always taken forgiveness to mean that you no longer bear someone ill will for having done you a wrong (whether you ever bore them ill will in the first place is a shakier question, but anyway). As in, you are no longer angry at them, you do not wish them harm for what was done to you, and so on. You no longer bear them ill will for what happened. Yes?
But sometimes I see this, or hear this, where people say that, if you take precautions against them doing whatever they did the first time again, that you haven't actually forgiven them. You know, "You've never forgiven me for failing you, which is why you don't ask me to take that responsibility again." Or, "You've never forgiven me for hurting you, which is why you've never been alone with me since."
I ... don't really follow the logic, there. *confused* Sometimes, as far as I'm concerned, I have forgiven them. As in, I don't bear them any ill will, I'm not really angry with them, we continue life apace. I have forgiven them, as far as I understand the word.
I just haven't forgotten it, is all (unless it was really bad, in which case I seem to tend to utterly forget it, but that's a different thing). The thing they did gets noted into my image of them as a thing they are capable of doing given the right circumstances, and, since I don't want it to happen again, often I will do my best to see that the circumstances that caused it or allowed it the last time aren't replicated. *shrugs* Sometimes, since I'm not very good at reading what things trigger what reactions in people, what that entails is my avoiding them in similar situations, or sometimes avoiding them altogether. It's not that I dislike them, or am angry at them, or bear them ill will. It's that I don't understand what caused them to harm me, so I avoid them until I figure it out. Sometimes, I never manage to. And, sometimes, I do manage, but the answer is one that makes it unlikely for me to feel safe around them anyway, so I still avoid them.
But. That doesn't mean I haven't forgiven them. Erm. At least, I don't think it does? Does forgiveness mean that you don't ... Um. Is forgiveness supposed to mean that both parties continue as if the wrong had never happened at all? Or does it mean what I thought it did, which is that the injured party acknowledges the wound, but bears no grudge because of it? Or does it mean something else altogether?
*rubs face* I don't like the pain it seems to cause people to believe they aren't forgiven, if, as far as I'm concerned, they have been (it might be another matter if they genuinely haven't, but I don't tend to hold a lot of grudges). But I don't want to tell someone they're forgiven if, by their definition, they haven't been, because then they might expect something I'm not sure I can give. *shakes head, grumbles* I hate the fuzzy concepts.
So. Um. Again, the bald question: What does forgiveness mean? Preferably in small words, because when it comes to this kind of thing, I'm not exactly quick ... *smiles sheepishly*
