icarus_chained | (no subject)

I really, really have to learn that when people ask you 'How are you?' outside of actual emergency situations, they're not actually all that interested in an honest answer. It's a thing. It's polite. There's no need for me to do an emergency scan of my physical and emotional state, and spend five minutes trying to shoehorn the resulting jumble into words. They don't care. Or, they do care, but they don't really have time right now. It's okay to lie, self!

Say 'I'm fine'. That's what everyone does, regardless of their actual state. 'Fine' is code for 'I realise you haven't time to actually listen, and to be honest I haven't really time to answer, not honestly and completely, anyway, but thank you for taking a moment to ask, and I'm good enough to be going on with'. All they want is verbal confirmation that you're not currently about to keel over or scream, and they can go on with their day. Not too much to ask, for all concerned. It's not even really a lie, just a little social code indicating that no-one needs to panic.

Some people, however, do want the full and complete answer, but outside of an emergency it's probably not a good idea to give it to them. Remember. Your thoughts are not their thoughts, and some of your thoughts are thoughts they really don't need to know about. That is why social lies exist.

Gods, I need to learn how to lie.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

We have the same problem. We don't even bother asking people how they are unless they've done it first because that's part of the expected ritual.

Damn social rituals.

*nods* Don't speak unless spoken to, in case you speak wrongly. *sigh* It works, right up until I realise the other person is waiting for something, and it's almost never what I expect.

Sometimes it makes me wish that we lived in a culture in which people actually want to know how you are when they ask that.

We can be comfortable with people, but only after we've known them for a while.

It took me ages to work out I was supposed to lie about that. I still don't entirely have the hang of it.

I sometimes say "not too bad" or "could be worse" or "I'm alive" in my best attempt at tones of wry cheerfulness. Technically, true, and if you can remember to follow them up with an "and you?" (I always forget) then it's their turn for the social lying.

*smiles lopsidedly* I always forget to ask back too. I think I have it in my head that when people ask something, it's to get info they want. So if they ask how you are, they want to know. And if you don't want to know, then you don't ask.

*sighs* If only people were that bloody straightforward.

Oh, hon.

There are people that really do want an answer when they ask, but yeah. Most of the time it's a quick social politeness.

I have a hard time TALKING about things...but I'm slowly learning in my cadre of frequent people I see which ones want the truth and which ones don't...and which ones to give that slightly pained look to and let them either move on or press me for more.

Heh. Hopefully, eventually, I'll manage that too.

Yeah. One of these days I'm actually gonna remember that when faced with someone. *shrugs sheepishly*