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I have lots of never-to-be-written-or-publically-shown fanfic and original stories noodling around in the back of my head. Including a couple that started as massive big AU fanfics, and morphed into original stories over time. *grins faintly*
Some of them throw up just really random and sort of inexplicably cool (to me) nuggets/theories every so often.
Some of them throw up just really random and sort of inexplicably cool (to me) nuggets/theories every so often.
I've posted before about me and vampires, and how I kinda prefer a-wizard-did-it to vampires with attempted scientific explanations. So. I took that, vampirism-is-a-parasitic/symbiotic-curse/spell/demon/thing, that theory, and used it for a story that started out as an AU fanfic. The problem was that the original vampire character, in the fanfic version, had a gold canine tooth prior to turning. You know all those vampire 'game face' transformation scenes where the character's teeth lengthen into fangs? What if the character in question didn't actually have real teeth in that location anymore?
And one way to deal with it is have the fang replace/regrow the teeth outright, but I kinda didn't want to loose the trademark gold-toothed smirk for this one. So. I ended up going with the rather more ridiculous, but personally more satisfying explanation that the spell/curse/whatever just accepts whatever vaguely tooth-like object happens to be in that space for the purpose of the transformations.
So this particular character has a gold canine in human form, and a gold fang in vampire form, mostly just because. And that was fine. But then I was thinking ... lots of the older vampires probably came from time periods where dental hygiene wasn't the best. Lots of vampires probably have had, therefore, really weird things that turn into fangs when they shift (the vampire with wooden dentures, for example, now has two teeny-tiny stakes in his mouth). I mean, gold teeth is probably the least of it.
And then I thought, some vampires probably took that to fashionable extremes. I mean, especially if lots of the older and more powerful vampires have them more as a necessity than anything else, probably having weird fangs would become something of a status symbol, in a backwards sort of way. So you'd have vampires deliberately having teeth-made-of-weird-materials as bling/status symbols/fashion statements, much like people used to stain their teeth black in the Elizabethan era to match the sugar-rotten look of the nobility who could afford, you know, the sugar to rot their teeth.
Which made me meander around for a while musing on all the things a vampire with social aspirations and maybe not a lot of common sense could make his/her dentures/false teeth/caps out of so they could have a mouthful of bling to flash at parties. So there was the 18th century vampire who lived through the era of the dandy with the blue lacquered fangs. Or the vampire with the solid titanium fangs engraved with teeny-tiny guitars. Or the trying-to-be-badass young vamp who tried to have iron fangs despite the fact that he runs on magic (which iron traditionally does not get on well with). Or, again, the vampire who now has two built-in stakes, even if they're not a lot of use - I don't think trying to stab someone in the heart with your teeth is going to get you very far. That said, it's a nice symbolic middle finger to all the vampire hunters out there, so there's that. (Although, splinters, ouch).
I was trying not to think of all the Cold War era spy stories that had microchips/transmitters masquerading as false teeth, and wondering if there's a late-20th-century vamp running around with the magical equivalent of Radio Moscow broadcasting out of their mouth.
And possibly a lot of the older vamps, the ones with weird teeth largely of necessity, are frowning down on some of the kinda ridiculous attempts on the part of younger vamps who probably knocked their own teeth out to make a statement, but on the other hand, the blue-lacquered dandy in my headcanon? He thinks it's simultaneously hilarious and awesome, and periodically updates his fangs to be flashier than the kiddies. And there's an 800 year old vampiress in San Fransisco who makes a quiet bundle on custom fang designs ranging from the subtle and tasteful to the biggest mouthful of blind-you-to-look-at-it bling money can buy. And the sorceror in old London who does a line in custom warded/spelled fangs in lieu of amulets, because you're less likely to lose them/have them stolen, and if an enemy is getting close enough to knock/rip your teeth out, wards and spells probably wouldn't have been a lot of use to you in the first place (this also works for humans, and again harks back to the way too many Cold War spy stories I read).
And I kinda want to read all the stories from vampire hunters sitting in bars talking about this one vamp that tried to attack her on the sly while also have glow in the dark fangs for fashion purposes, and seriously? Was it just her, or did vampires and hunters used to have more dignity back when she was starting out? And the guy beside her going, you think that's bad? I had one kid, not two years turned, tried to put iron in his mouth. When your job involves more sitting young vamps down and explaining to them the downsides of permanently attaching magical poison to your face, rather than slaying them? The trade has gone waaay downhill, sister, trust me.
And blue-lacquer, who is now the main second-tier character in the original version of this story in my head, is sitting two tables over and having quiet hysterics.
And this? All of this? *makes circular gesture* All this started because I wanted one vampire character to keep his gold tooth. This is what fanfic does to you. One day it's a nice, relatively sensible vampire AU of a western TV show, the next it's titanium vampire fangs engraved with tiny guitars, and an 18th century dandy who thinks the whole thing is hilarious. *shakes head*
... Or, alternate theory, I'm simply stark raving mad. This is also a solid possibility. *grins*
For some reason, though, I kinda like the idea of the blue-lacquered fangs. They're actually reasonably tasteful, in my head. Heh.
And one way to deal with it is have the fang replace/regrow the teeth outright, but I kinda didn't want to loose the trademark gold-toothed smirk for this one. So. I ended up going with the rather more ridiculous, but personally more satisfying explanation that the spell/curse/whatever just accepts whatever vaguely tooth-like object happens to be in that space for the purpose of the transformations.
So this particular character has a gold canine in human form, and a gold fang in vampire form, mostly just because. And that was fine. But then I was thinking ... lots of the older vampires probably came from time periods where dental hygiene wasn't the best. Lots of vampires probably have had, therefore, really weird things that turn into fangs when they shift (the vampire with wooden dentures, for example, now has two teeny-tiny stakes in his mouth). I mean, gold teeth is probably the least of it.
And then I thought, some vampires probably took that to fashionable extremes. I mean, especially if lots of the older and more powerful vampires have them more as a necessity than anything else, probably having weird fangs would become something of a status symbol, in a backwards sort of way. So you'd have vampires deliberately having teeth-made-of-weird-materials as bling/status symbols/fashion statements, much like people used to stain their teeth black in the Elizabethan era to match the sugar-rotten look of the nobility who could afford, you know, the sugar to rot their teeth.
Which made me meander around for a while musing on all the things a vampire with social aspirations and maybe not a lot of common sense could make his/her dentures/false teeth/caps out of so they could have a mouthful of bling to flash at parties. So there was the 18th century vampire who lived through the era of the dandy with the blue lacquered fangs. Or the vampire with the solid titanium fangs engraved with teeny-tiny guitars. Or the trying-to-be-badass young vamp who tried to have iron fangs despite the fact that he runs on magic (which iron traditionally does not get on well with). Or, again, the vampire who now has two built-in stakes, even if they're not a lot of use - I don't think trying to stab someone in the heart with your teeth is going to get you very far. That said, it's a nice symbolic middle finger to all the vampire hunters out there, so there's that. (Although, splinters, ouch).
I was trying not to think of all the Cold War era spy stories that had microchips/transmitters masquerading as false teeth, and wondering if there's a late-20th-century vamp running around with the magical equivalent of Radio Moscow broadcasting out of their mouth.
And possibly a lot of the older vamps, the ones with weird teeth largely of necessity, are frowning down on some of the kinda ridiculous attempts on the part of younger vamps who probably knocked their own teeth out to make a statement, but on the other hand, the blue-lacquered dandy in my headcanon? He thinks it's simultaneously hilarious and awesome, and periodically updates his fangs to be flashier than the kiddies. And there's an 800 year old vampiress in San Fransisco who makes a quiet bundle on custom fang designs ranging from the subtle and tasteful to the biggest mouthful of blind-you-to-look-at-it bling money can buy. And the sorceror in old London who does a line in custom warded/spelled fangs in lieu of amulets, because you're less likely to lose them/have them stolen, and if an enemy is getting close enough to knock/rip your teeth out, wards and spells probably wouldn't have been a lot of use to you in the first place (this also works for humans, and again harks back to the way too many Cold War spy stories I read).
And I kinda want to read all the stories from vampire hunters sitting in bars talking about this one vamp that tried to attack her on the sly while also have glow in the dark fangs for fashion purposes, and seriously? Was it just her, or did vampires and hunters used to have more dignity back when she was starting out? And the guy beside her going, you think that's bad? I had one kid, not two years turned, tried to put iron in his mouth. When your job involves more sitting young vamps down and explaining to them the downsides of permanently attaching magical poison to your face, rather than slaying them? The trade has gone waaay downhill, sister, trust me.
And blue-lacquer, who is now the main second-tier character in the original version of this story in my head, is sitting two tables over and having quiet hysterics.
And this? All of this? *makes circular gesture* All this started because I wanted one vampire character to keep his gold tooth. This is what fanfic does to you. One day it's a nice, relatively sensible vampire AU of a western TV show, the next it's titanium vampire fangs engraved with tiny guitars, and an 18th century dandy who thinks the whole thing is hilarious. *shakes head*
... Or, alternate theory, I'm simply stark raving mad. This is also a solid possibility. *grins*
For some reason, though, I kinda like the idea of the blue-lacquered fangs. They're actually reasonably tasteful, in my head. Heh.
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