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I hate soulbond stories. I mean, I don't, but I do. I really, REALLY do. I can't. I can't. Fuck.
I should stop reading them. There's been some good ones, there's been ones I liked, I've written some, but I shouldn't read them. Because there are things that people seem to think are romantic in soulbond stories that ARE NOT FUCKING ROMANTIC AND I HATE THEM AND JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T BREATHE.
I read a story. It was recommended. The rec said that there was 'a slight non-con issue' regarding one character 'because of storyline', and I should have fucking taken that as a warning, I really, really should have. Fucking slight non-con issue. SLIGHT. The story itself doesn't have non-con warnings, just 'romance and angst', chapter warnings for violence, nothing for the fact that the entire fucking story is about railroading a character into a relationship he doesn't want with people who have betrayed, terrified, physically abused and repeatedly mentally violated him by means of an unbreakable mental bond resulting from said violations that will kill him unless he fucking stays with them. And they're sorry about it, they'll do 'anything you need to make you forgive us', but 'while I regret the circumstances, I can't regret that it happened'. You fucking shitsack manipulative bastard asshole fucker. Jesus Christ. Slight non-con issues. Romance and angst. Yes, that is absolutely what this story fucking contains.
Fuck. Fuck. I would suicide. I swear to fucking god, had I been this character, had I been told that the people who violated me had crawled so deep inside my head that trying to get them out, trying to get away from them, would kill me, I would jump off a building that fucking second. But he can't. In this story. Aside from the fact that they physically won't let him, that they physically restrain him the second they realise, the STORY also won't let him because the entire remnant of a species depends on his work to keep them alive, and if he kills himself he damns an entire species to follow after him. It's romantic! It's romantic, he'll realise they love him in the end, any minute now, it'll all end fucking well.
Why do I do this? I thought ... I don't know what I thought, somebody would fix it, somebody would save him, the story was not honestly going to follow this premise all the way down to the happy, romantic fucking ending where he lives with them ever after and they're all fucking sorry for how it started but he loves them now like he was always meant to so it's all fucking peachy. They're in his head! He can feel them loving him! He can feel how sorry they are! It's alright, those few little mental rapes, death threats and physical altercations at the start, they'll never happen again, it's FINE. He's bonded to them forever more, never to escape, and it's all so lovely.
And, okay. I didn't finish it. I got to the part where they physically restrained his escape after explaining that he had to finish bonding with them or literally die, and I ran off to the loo for a while to have a fucking panic attack, so I don't know how it ends, except this is the main story pairing, this is the endgame relationship, and there is no non-con warning. And they seem aware in part that the actual actions were bad, they have the character think it, feel it, know it, but then why ... then why is this the relationship that follows through? Why would you have characters admit and acknowledge that everything that's happened so far is fucking terrible but then have this bond thing and think it fixes it enough for this threesome to be the happy romantic ending. Why. Why. How do you acknowledge that and still follow through?
I hate soulbond stories. I have had this reaction, this full scale, rage-panic-terror, to two stories, and they've both been this trope. Soulbonds, mental bonds. I enjoy the idea of telepathy, that kind of intimacy could be something ... I mean, something beautiful, but the violation it allows is apparently off-the-scale terrifying to me, and people apparently don't realise when said violation is happening right in front of them. Mentally binding someone you've hurt to you, unbreakably enough that only death could interfere, until they realise how sorry you are and how much you love them ... That is NOT ROMANTIC. Okay? It isn't. It isn't, it isn't, I hope we never develope telepathy or the actual capacity for soulbonds because the thought of someone with that power who believes this is fucking terrifying to me. You don't get to crawl into my head until I feel what you want me to feel, until I admit that you have the rights to the most intimate parts of me, that you have that right no matter how much you've hurt me because soulbonds are destined and that makes it okay.
And I can't breathe. I can't. Fuck. Stop. Why?
No more soulbond stories. No more. I can't do this.
And thing is, I've actually written something close. Not ... The start of something, an unwilling bond, but not like this. Unwilling on both sides. I wasn't going towards this. Fuck. Fuck, I hope not. Did I start? Is that how you start, and not notice where you end up?
I'll take it down. I'm not going here. I'm not doing this. Fuck. Fuckity fuck. I can't do this.
I'm still panicking, I think. I don't know why. Why does this hit me so strongly? I don't get it. Why does this actually physically sicken me? I'm shaking. Why does it do that? This trope. The only times it's happened, it's been this trope.
Shit. I'm going to go calm down. Shit. Shit.
I should stop reading them. There's been some good ones, there's been ones I liked, I've written some, but I shouldn't read them. Because there are things that people seem to think are romantic in soulbond stories that ARE NOT FUCKING ROMANTIC AND I HATE THEM AND JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T BREATHE.
I read a story. It was recommended. The rec said that there was 'a slight non-con issue' regarding one character 'because of storyline', and I should have fucking taken that as a warning, I really, really should have. Fucking slight non-con issue. SLIGHT. The story itself doesn't have non-con warnings, just 'romance and angst', chapter warnings for violence, nothing for the fact that the entire fucking story is about railroading a character into a relationship he doesn't want with people who have betrayed, terrified, physically abused and repeatedly mentally violated him by means of an unbreakable mental bond resulting from said violations that will kill him unless he fucking stays with them. And they're sorry about it, they'll do 'anything you need to make you forgive us', but 'while I regret the circumstances, I can't regret that it happened'. You fucking shitsack manipulative bastard asshole fucker. Jesus Christ. Slight non-con issues. Romance and angst. Yes, that is absolutely what this story fucking contains.
Fuck. Fuck. I would suicide. I swear to fucking god, had I been this character, had I been told that the people who violated me had crawled so deep inside my head that trying to get them out, trying to get away from them, would kill me, I would jump off a building that fucking second. But he can't. In this story. Aside from the fact that they physically won't let him, that they physically restrain him the second they realise, the STORY also won't let him because the entire remnant of a species depends on his work to keep them alive, and if he kills himself he damns an entire species to follow after him. It's romantic! It's romantic, he'll realise they love him in the end, any minute now, it'll all end fucking well.
Why do I do this? I thought ... I don't know what I thought, somebody would fix it, somebody would save him, the story was not honestly going to follow this premise all the way down to the happy, romantic fucking ending where he lives with them ever after and they're all fucking sorry for how it started but he loves them now like he was always meant to so it's all fucking peachy. They're in his head! He can feel them loving him! He can feel how sorry they are! It's alright, those few little mental rapes, death threats and physical altercations at the start, they'll never happen again, it's FINE. He's bonded to them forever more, never to escape, and it's all so lovely.
And, okay. I didn't finish it. I got to the part where they physically restrained his escape after explaining that he had to finish bonding with them or literally die, and I ran off to the loo for a while to have a fucking panic attack, so I don't know how it ends, except this is the main story pairing, this is the endgame relationship, and there is no non-con warning. And they seem aware in part that the actual actions were bad, they have the character think it, feel it, know it, but then why ... then why is this the relationship that follows through? Why would you have characters admit and acknowledge that everything that's happened so far is fucking terrible but then have this bond thing and think it fixes it enough for this threesome to be the happy romantic ending. Why. Why. How do you acknowledge that and still follow through?
I hate soulbond stories. I have had this reaction, this full scale, rage-panic-terror, to two stories, and they've both been this trope. Soulbonds, mental bonds. I enjoy the idea of telepathy, that kind of intimacy could be something ... I mean, something beautiful, but the violation it allows is apparently off-the-scale terrifying to me, and people apparently don't realise when said violation is happening right in front of them. Mentally binding someone you've hurt to you, unbreakably enough that only death could interfere, until they realise how sorry you are and how much you love them ... That is NOT ROMANTIC. Okay? It isn't. It isn't, it isn't, I hope we never develope telepathy or the actual capacity for soulbonds because the thought of someone with that power who believes this is fucking terrifying to me. You don't get to crawl into my head until I feel what you want me to feel, until I admit that you have the rights to the most intimate parts of me, that you have that right no matter how much you've hurt me because soulbonds are destined and that makes it okay.
And I can't breathe. I can't. Fuck. Stop. Why?
No more soulbond stories. No more. I can't do this.
And thing is, I've actually written something close. Not ... The start of something, an unwilling bond, but not like this. Unwilling on both sides. I wasn't going towards this. Fuck. Fuck, I hope not. Did I start? Is that how you start, and not notice where you end up?
I'll take it down. I'm not going here. I'm not doing this. Fuck. Fuckity fuck. I can't do this.
I'm still panicking, I think. I don't know why. Why does this hit me so strongly? I don't get it. Why does this actually physically sicken me? I'm shaking. Why does it do that? This trope. The only times it's happened, it's been this trope.
Shit. I'm going to go calm down. Shit. Shit.