![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I am beginning to realise how much I really, really, really love the darker kinds of passion in fic. (Shush, yes, I know I should probably have figured that out well before now). Looking back over my fic, it's kind of obvious that I really do like the more savage side of love.
A Brightly Terrible Sort of Love
I wrote The Tell-Tale Heart (Heavy/Medic, TF2) last night in one of those fits of manic 2am inspiration that happen to me sometimes. It all came out in one big splurge, and I posted it in a nervous fit, because I said I'd never written anything like that before. And on a physical level, I really haven't. I don't think I've ever gone near that kind of physical gore in a fic before.
But looking back on it today (after about four hours of sleep and the rest of the day in between), I'm realising that emotionally it's actually pretty familiar ground for me. Ah. Possibly everyone else realised this already, but I actually didn't notice until now. I have a ... a really deep adoration in fic for that kind of hard, fierce, almost terrible sort of love. The kind of love that kills and that saves, the kind that always hurts and is always worth it. The kind that burns the world and saves a soul. Looking back over my fic, I'm kind of picking up a ... somewhat significant thread of that, yes.
It's not always the same kind of love. It's not always the same sort of pair or the same sort of dynamic.
Some of them are hero/villain pairs - Jareth/Sarah is an old favourite here, as in Pale Jewel, and pretty much all my variations on Tony/Loki(/other) in the MCU have shades of this, exemplified maybe by Nova, another manic 2am splurge of a fic. You could maybe include Needful Things (Newt/Hermann, Pacific Rim) here as well, as it's an AU where one character turns out to be a world-eating monster, but loves the other anyway.
A great many of them are actually very close same-side relationships. Like Fiercer and More Frail (Tony/Rhodey) within the MCU. Or And Yet Speak Louder (Holmes/Watson, ACD), or Thou Like Adamant (Aramis/Porthos, Musketeers). Or again Do Not Go Gentle (Vanessa/Ethan, Penny Dreadful), or Lance (Reese/Finch, Person of Interest).
Some of them are fiercely adoring allies that shouldn't be allies, or weren't previously, like A Wonderous Terror (Ivan/Victoria, RED) or Shadow Play (Aziraphale/Crowley, Good Omens) or Bright Tethers Tear Us Down (James/Simon/Lydia, Asher series).
Some of them are friendships that have suffered stresses or horrible betrayals, like in The Ask and the Answer (Spock/McCoy, ST:TOS) or The Love I Bear Thee (Relius/Teleus, Queen's Thief).
Some of them aren't even romantic love at all. I have a love for fiercely loyal and terrible platonic loves as well, as probably seen most strongly in Space Electric (Tony & AIs, MCU), but also in things like No More Terrible Thing (Rumple & Regina, OUAT), or Love and Loyalty (Boris & Klaus, Girl Genius), or The Winter King (Thranduil & Mirkwood Elves, Tolkien).
In all of them, I think it's pretty obvious that I have ... that I love the darker aspects of them. That it's that hard, fierce, terrible sort of love that I adore. I love to give the characters savage hearts, and a terrible, almost monstrous sort of caring for each other. A savage tenderness, and sometimes a vicious sort of glee, a delight in each other's darkness. Or I like to lay darkness around them, to show their love up against that background. I like cruelty and passion, a love of strength and weaknesses, a knowledge of sin and a decision to do it anyway. I like choosing each other though it means Hell, I like choosing each other though it hurts and hurts and never stops hurting, I love that combination of hope and horror that love in dark times can bring. I like the sense of wrongs done and overcome, of wrongs still to be done, of a passion that endures regardless. I like ...
Oh, I don't know. I like those darkly luminous sorts of loves. I like bloodstained worlds held in joined hands. I like the sense that the universe is vast and dark and terrible, but within it there are things of wonderous, beauteous savagery, that can stand beside you and endure. I like the sense of surrender, of having a monster you'd love enough to die for, and I like the sense of protection, of having a monster who loves you enough to do the same. I like tender hatreds and vicious joys, I like kindness in the midst of darkness and love in the midst of pain.
I like the contrast, I suppose. I like the juxtaposition of darkness and light, I like the sense of power that comes from holding them against each other. I like the triumph of it, the grand and deafening tragedies. I like how big it feels, and how fierce, and how quietly gentle in the smaller moments. I like a love with claws on, a love with all its teeth. I like desperate, piteous, gnawing things that shine in the darkness like jewels.
I like the harder sorts of loves. In fiction, at least. I like fierce things that hold each other close. Looking back of it, I think that is definitely a thing I have. Heh.
I wrote The Tell-Tale Heart (Heavy/Medic, TF2) last night in one of those fits of manic 2am inspiration that happen to me sometimes. It all came out in one big splurge, and I posted it in a nervous fit, because I said I'd never written anything like that before. And on a physical level, I really haven't. I don't think I've ever gone near that kind of physical gore in a fic before.
But looking back on it today (after about four hours of sleep and the rest of the day in between), I'm realising that emotionally it's actually pretty familiar ground for me. Ah. Possibly everyone else realised this already, but I actually didn't notice until now. I have a ... a really deep adoration in fic for that kind of hard, fierce, almost terrible sort of love. The kind of love that kills and that saves, the kind that always hurts and is always worth it. The kind that burns the world and saves a soul. Looking back over my fic, I'm kind of picking up a ... somewhat significant thread of that, yes.
It's not always the same kind of love. It's not always the same sort of pair or the same sort of dynamic.
Some of them are hero/villain pairs - Jareth/Sarah is an old favourite here, as in Pale Jewel, and pretty much all my variations on Tony/Loki(/other) in the MCU have shades of this, exemplified maybe by Nova, another manic 2am splurge of a fic. You could maybe include Needful Things (Newt/Hermann, Pacific Rim) here as well, as it's an AU where one character turns out to be a world-eating monster, but loves the other anyway.
A great many of them are actually very close same-side relationships. Like Fiercer and More Frail (Tony/Rhodey) within the MCU. Or And Yet Speak Louder (Holmes/Watson, ACD), or Thou Like Adamant (Aramis/Porthos, Musketeers). Or again Do Not Go Gentle (Vanessa/Ethan, Penny Dreadful), or Lance (Reese/Finch, Person of Interest).
Some of them are fiercely adoring allies that shouldn't be allies, or weren't previously, like A Wonderous Terror (Ivan/Victoria, RED) or Shadow Play (Aziraphale/Crowley, Good Omens) or Bright Tethers Tear Us Down (James/Simon/Lydia, Asher series).
Some of them are friendships that have suffered stresses or horrible betrayals, like in The Ask and the Answer (Spock/McCoy, ST:TOS) or The Love I Bear Thee (Relius/Teleus, Queen's Thief).
Some of them aren't even romantic love at all. I have a love for fiercely loyal and terrible platonic loves as well, as probably seen most strongly in Space Electric (Tony & AIs, MCU), but also in things like No More Terrible Thing (Rumple & Regina, OUAT), or Love and Loyalty (Boris & Klaus, Girl Genius), or The Winter King (Thranduil & Mirkwood Elves, Tolkien).
In all of them, I think it's pretty obvious that I have ... that I love the darker aspects of them. That it's that hard, fierce, terrible sort of love that I adore. I love to give the characters savage hearts, and a terrible, almost monstrous sort of caring for each other. A savage tenderness, and sometimes a vicious sort of glee, a delight in each other's darkness. Or I like to lay darkness around them, to show their love up against that background. I like cruelty and passion, a love of strength and weaknesses, a knowledge of sin and a decision to do it anyway. I like choosing each other though it means Hell, I like choosing each other though it hurts and hurts and never stops hurting, I love that combination of hope and horror that love in dark times can bring. I like the sense of wrongs done and overcome, of wrongs still to be done, of a passion that endures regardless. I like ...
Oh, I don't know. I like those darkly luminous sorts of loves. I like bloodstained worlds held in joined hands. I like the sense that the universe is vast and dark and terrible, but within it there are things of wonderous, beauteous savagery, that can stand beside you and endure. I like the sense of surrender, of having a monster you'd love enough to die for, and I like the sense of protection, of having a monster who loves you enough to do the same. I like tender hatreds and vicious joys, I like kindness in the midst of darkness and love in the midst of pain.
I like the contrast, I suppose. I like the juxtaposition of darkness and light, I like the sense of power that comes from holding them against each other. I like the triumph of it, the grand and deafening tragedies. I like how big it feels, and how fierce, and how quietly gentle in the smaller moments. I like a love with claws on, a love with all its teeth. I like desperate, piteous, gnawing things that shine in the darkness like jewels.
I like the harder sorts of loves. In fiction, at least. I like fierce things that hold each other close. Looking back of it, I think that is definitely a thing I have. Heh.