(no subject)

[icarus_chained]

Tiny fic-thing that's been lurking on my hard-drive for ages. Figured it couldn't hurt to throw it up.

Title: Safety
Fandom: DCAU
Pairing: kinda Hawkgirl/Batman
Rating: PG. Maybe even G.
Disclaimer: No own, no sue.
Summary: one moment of safety by accident, one sought after.
Spoilers: unless you know it already, not really.

It happened by accident, the first time. They'd fought above the sea, she'd taken a hit and fallen, and that was that. Birds, at least sane ones, do not like getting wet. Feathers are heavy, waterlogged, and drowning is a suddenly a very real possibility. She could not help the instant surge of panic, couldn't fight the insistant pull of the waves. She was a creature of the air, and she was lost. That was the only reason.

It was an accident. It was only because he was the first to react, landing that great black machine on the waves to search for her, only because she was wet and half-drowned and panicking slightly. It wasn't real, nothing she'd ever have purposely sought out.

But when he pulled her up onto the wing of the plane, and swept her shivering, gasping form instinctively into his arms, and pulled her close beneath his cape to try and calm her, put warmth back into her trembling body, she gasped in realisation. She curled into the warmth of him, tucked her head beneath the shadow of his leather wings, and felt such a deep and terrible surge of homesickness that she couldn't breathe. And he reacted instinctively, tightening his arms, and she was struck by the sudden feeling of absolute safety.

There was no logical reason for it. Batman was the last person you would associate with safety, with caring, with warmth. But it was there. There were no complications, nothing behind the white slits of his eyes, no motive in his embrace beyond giving warmth, and the curl of his cape around her felt like being sheltered behind the arch of dark wings. It felt warm. It felt safe. It felt like home. And even knowing the sensation was false, even knowing the person those wings belonged to had no interest in her, still for one blind and lovely moment, she felt like she loved him.

It haunted her later, when all her world fell apart. When all her worlds betrayed her, and nothing was left of who she had been, and no-one cared for who she had become. In all that turmoil, in all that empty betrayal, she wanted that moment again. She wanted, needed, to be safe, for one moment. A single second. Just one.

So the second time, it wasn't an accident. The second time, she came to him wet, in the rain, on a rooftop eyrie as he surveyed his kingdom. He watched her come, watched her stand there, cold and silent with the rain painting chill tracks through her hair and feathers. He asked no questions, made no demands. He simply watched. And waited.

And her pride broke, a little, and her staunch denials of need shattered, and she only held out her arms, just barely, in silent plea. Forget who I am. Forget what I've done. For one instant, please, forget you know me and give me this one instant of safety. That is all I'll ever ask of you.

And he did. Slowly, calmly, he swept her into his arms, pulled her down with him as he knelt on the roof, and wrapped the warmth of his black wings around her frozen, shaking shoulders. For one moment in the storm, she was a nameless woman held securely in the warm embrace of a stranger, a warrior broken by compassion and in desperate love with empty white eyes. For that instant, there was only the warm pulse of his heart, and the strength of his arms, and the shelter of his wings. For that instant, she was safe again.

And when he kissed the top of her head, gently, and glared quietly down at her, she didn't fear him. When he explained with calm assurance that they could never forget who she was and what she had done, she didn't flinch. And when he gave her the smallest of smiles, and said that maybe, just maybe, they might yet forgive her anyway, she believed him. He was made to be believed.

It made her a little sad, later. When he proved right, as always. When he hid a smile behind a frown, and stood beside J'onn to watch them bicker. It made her sad to realise how selfish she had been. How she'd used him, even if he'd been willing enough to be used. It was still selfish of her.

It is always selfish to want to safety. And something a little like love to find it.