![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Um. Forgive the question. Do ... I strike you as accepting? And ... is that a bad thing?
Um. This is ... sort of coming from the memory thing. Apparently, when people lose large chunks of memory, a lot of them try to fill the gap with ... something. I'm not sure what, as I'm not sure I grasp the concept. Where as I, apparently, am very -accepting- of the fact that a large chunk of my life is ... gone. Which ... there's nothing I can do about it, and I trust that there was a reason my mind apparently decided nope, not going there, and I've no idea where anyone would get something to fill the gap with, or why they'd trust it, and ... Basically, acceptance seems the only reasonable choice, to me.
But ... But I'm lazy. The one constant thread, my whole life, that everyone says, is that I'm lazy. Is ... is acceptance the same as laziness? Because ... Because I do. I accept a lot of things, and work around them where I can't change them, and just ... let them happen, and is that ... Is that laziness? Is that just because I don't have the ... the bottle to try? Is that bad?
Ugh. I don't understand. I've learned to live around ... a lot of things. The holes in my head, the fears in my chest, the things people say, the things I can't do. I've learned to accept them when I can't change them, and to change them if they become unbearable. And either way is hard.
Is it just laziness, though? Just to take whatever happens until you can't anymore, and only then move to change?
Gah! I don't get it. I accept things because they happen, and once they've happened there's nothing you can do to change them. The only thing I've ever successfully been able to change is myself, and that only with incredible difficulty. Any more takes energy I do not have.
I don't get it. Do I strike you as accepting? And do you think it's bad?
But ... But I'm lazy. The one constant thread, my whole life, that everyone says, is that I'm lazy. Is ... is acceptance the same as laziness? Because ... Because I do. I accept a lot of things, and work around them where I can't change them, and just ... let them happen, and is that ... Is that laziness? Is that just because I don't have the ... the bottle to try? Is that bad?
Ugh. I don't understand. I've learned to live around ... a lot of things. The holes in my head, the fears in my chest, the things people say, the things I can't do. I've learned to accept them when I can't change them, and to change them if they become unbearable. And either way is hard.
Is it just laziness, though? Just to take whatever happens until you can't anymore, and only then move to change?
Gah! I don't get it. I accept things because they happen, and once they've happened there's nothing you can do to change them. The only thing I've ever successfully been able to change is myself, and that only with incredible difficulty. Any more takes energy I do not have.
I don't get it. Do I strike you as accepting? And do you think it's bad?
