For all you shatter is our seeming, And in breaking we are free

One: I'm having a shitty week, and it's only going to get shittier as the exams themselves roll around ... And I've just cursed, so I think I'm still a bit more het-up than I thought I was -_-; Did you know you can have rolling panic attacks? Like rolling blackouts, they shut down different parts of the coherant parts of your mind in succession. I rang home today to ask if the time was right. As in, I rang people on the other side of the country to check that my clock was right so I won't accidentally be late for the exam I'm having in two days time.

It occurs to me that the combination of a three-year breakdown plus diagnosis plus the first exams I've sat in those three years has made my panic threshhold ridiculously low. So ... right now I'm all flappy hands and yelling at myself in the street and hanging upside-down out the skylight because the sky calms me ... And, looking at that, it also occurs to me that I have strange responses to stress -_-; Gah! I'm not well, is my point. *shakes head at self, flaps hands*

Two: For some bizarre reason, in response to this, trying to calm myself down, I've been reading Transformers fanfiction. I honestly have no idea why. I haven't watched Transformers since I was ... um, I was in fifth class because it was my third primary school, so that would make me ... 11 years old. Ish. Anyway. I haven't see it in that long. And that was Armada, not G1, which I've never seen, and yet I'm reading G1 fic, and falling in love with Starscream all over again, and ... I don't get it. But I'm liking the fic. And it's distracting me from the flaily-panicky-ness, somewhat, sometimes, so ...

Um. Gah. Shitty week. Yes. And it's going to get worse until I actually manage to sit the first exam on Friday, and find out if I can deal with this at all. *slumps* I need my processor defragged, I think. The one in my head, not the one under my fingers. And, oh, I should absolutely shut up, now. Definitely. Sorry. Gah!

Okay, so. I survived the presentation. Heh. I'll be  getting an email with an approximation of my mark later in the week. It's ... done.

*shakes head* There was only three of us, since one guy couldn't show, so it wasn't too bad. And it was fairly informal, and there was a bit fo discussion at the end of each one, so it was ... more interactive and less stand-in-front-of-the-people-and-cry. The other two had powerpoint presentations, which I didn't, so I suppose that was a mark against me, but I got through my stuff, and managed to make some half-way intelligent comments on the reliability of sources, and my work was a lot more dense than the other two (to be fair, both of them were dealing with fairly specific -and in one case mostly ignored- topics), so I guess it balances out ...

But! It's done, I got through it, I didn't make a fool of myself. These are happy things, yes? *shakes head at self*

One, college is going to kill me. I am here until August, to catch up on everything I've missed the past year owing to ... well, not being right in the head. Two blocks of exams, one block of six-ish essays, and a dissertation. *head in hands* This is why you shouldn't have nervous breakdowns in the first half of the year (or, okay, a three-year nervous breakdown that only ends in the 2nd half). Because all you're apparently doing is lining yourself up for another one in the 2nd half trying to catch up. *groans* But, okay, okay, I can probably do this. I can sort of almost definitely do this. It's just going to kill me in the process -_-;

Two, I kinda wish I had the time and will to write some of my original 'verses right now, because sometimes they're sorta the only things keeping me sane. I'd really, really love to do something with Southwark, for example, because both timelines of that universe have been fascinating me for ages. *muses* Or, possibly, I'll just make a big long babble-post about a few of them for no good reason. *grins*

Three, meme belatedly snagged from shadadukal, to distract me from the tonnes of work I need to do before the presentation on Monday:

In this post feel free to ask ME ANYTHING ABOUT MY FANDOM OPINIONS. That means, who I ship and why, fav characters, least favorite, if I like this that. ANYTHING. BE WARNED. I AM GOING TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH MY REPLIES. So if you don't want to really know what I think about something don't ask. My opinions are not always the popular ones.

Since I've been starting back in college properly, without the screaming panic ... I've started to remember why I'm so passionate about what I study, which is geography. Archaeology too, and that is certainly getting interesting again, but my passion has always really been for geography. Maybe that's strange and weird, but I don't really care. I'm remembering why I love it so much, and you couldn't shake me on it right now with a jackhammer!

Right. So I'm just going to babble about it for ... 1788 words ... and you can all take a nap, okay?

( Geography and me ... )